the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
