So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
