I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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