the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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