so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
