How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
