i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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