smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
