What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
