Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
