I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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