and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
