I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
