those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
