Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
