I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
