somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
