He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
