A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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