I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
