Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got inside last night via doggy door
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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