I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
