she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
