i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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