And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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