I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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