i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
