Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this will be a night to untag.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
