dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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