Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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