I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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