Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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