Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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