I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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