It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
