Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
