two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
