Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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