Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
