and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
