Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
