I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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