And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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