and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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