So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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