pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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