she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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