I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
