you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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