neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
